1. Make the subject of your sentence a noun, not a verb, to add verve.
Example: At Medco’s 3rd Annual Dinner Party, enticing entrees will be served by Tasty Bites.
Revised: At Medco’s 3rd Annual Dinner Party, Tasty Bites will serve enticing entrees.
2. Don’t be afraid to say who did something, or, as above, to make a noun the subject of your sentences. Sometimes people avoid naming the subject(s) because they don’t want to, they simply don’t know who’s involved, or they don’t want to take personal responsibility, which appears timid, and causes a lapse into the passive voice.
Example: The Best in Show award was given to Dolly Dachshund.
Revised: Champion breeder Dave Diamond awarded Dolly Dachshund Best in Show.
3. We can’t always avoid “to be” verbs, such as “is/are” and “was/were,” but they sometimes weaken passages. With a little creativity, we can spice up bland phrasing and make it shorter and stronger.
Example: Our cakes are decorative and delicious and delight our customers.
Revised: Our decorative, delicious cakes delight our customers.
4. As I’ve shown in the examples above, active writing is more specific writing. Add more details, when appropriate, for more appealing copy.
Example: Check out our new, more sophisticated website.
Revised: Don’t miss our redesigned website, which features exciting new step-by-step how-tos, detailed diagrams, and the Builder’s Corner, where you can share ideas with fellow do-it-yourselfers.
5. Might/may/can/could/possibly — these and similar words show indecisiveness, and in some cases, look weak. If possible, avoid them.
Example: Food pantry donations can be dropped off at Riverton Town Hall.
Revised: Riverton Town Hall will collect your food pantry donations.
Quotes
“Each time I see a split infinitive, an inconsistent tense structure or the unnecessary use of the passive voice, I blister.” ~ Sonia Sotomayor
“Two pages of passive voice — just about any business document ever written, in other words, not to mention reams of bad fiction — make me want to scream. It’s weak, it’s circuitous, and it’s frequently tortuous, as well.” ~ Stephen King, On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft
Comments? Suggestions? Need help? Feel free to contact me.
Michelle Troutman
classywriting.com
